Strange Computer Messages Computers, as we all know, are wonderful things, but they continue to baffle us with the inscrutability of messages they flash up when something goes wrong.
Some of the messages are simply incomprehensible. While loading Microsoft Backup for Windows 95, Ian Chisholm, received this:
"The Data Path specified, 'C:\TEMP\', is invalid. Defaulting to 'C:\TEMP\'."
Anthony Bullock, on the other hand, was told "Error - cannot install. Reason - cannot find error".
Sam Holloway got this from Windows 95 Explorer: "Error - Cannot alter file attributes. Reason - The file exists."
Other messages disturbingly suggest that out computers have sensitivities like our own.
David Golden's Amiga appeared to be losing its mind - "Sanity check on memory list has failed"
Bob Burton's laser printer had just had enough one Monday morning: "84 PC Life Exhausted." Such machines inspire our sympathy. Others, much less so.
Peter Onyisi was cheekily told "Word cannot open the document. (Who cares?)" by his Macintosh.
Tony Fulford had his worst suspicions confirmed when his Mac flashed up the message: "No one is listening to keystrokes at the moment so you might as well stop typing."
Meanwhile, Mark Roberts was told by a sulky mail server that his mesage could not be delivered becuase "207.171.0.250 does not like recipient."
Then there are the philosophical computers.
Tim Andrews uses a Vulcan modelling package which often waxes stoical when he hits the "undo" key after making a mistake: "What's done is done," it sighs.
Similarly, David Brake found that by typing Help on his Lisp machine prompted the reply: "This file does not exist and probably never will."
Brake was hardly reassured later on when his Butterfly window manager delivered the message: "I'm sorry, something just happened that is supposed to be impossible. I'll try to muddle through, but things are most likely to go downhill from here."
At least Brake's computer didn't start getting demanding, though -
Robert Bricheno's PC, which presented him with: "Error 3041: Windows would like a Pentium! The system will become unstable!"
Such messages almost want to make you return to a simpler, low-tech past.
Was that what Nicolai Pedentchouk's computer was thinking when it told him: "Network error: broken pipe. Try connecting again"?
And did Russell Standish's HPUX 9 have something similar in mind when it told him that an error had occured because of bad "bad magic"?
Then again, what was David Hilto to think when he tried to access a document on the Internet, only to be told: "Error 404 - document not found...the document you requested has been vaporised as a result of solar flares reflecting off the surface of Mars."
Vaporised or not, Hilton's document did once exist, which makes it a lot more tangible than the files Stephen Roxborough and Tim Cockerill tried to edit in Word 6. "Word cannot edit the Unknown," they were told.
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